Over the years at Dry Bones, I’ve watched thousands of people come to serve. Thank you all!
There is no “wrong” way to show up, but there are a few distinct postures I’ve noticed. Most of us move between these states over time, sometimes within the same day, perhaps without noticing. Though each one may have a different tone and weight, each one also plants the seed of invitation for more, drawing us into deeper belonging, life-changing service, and a fuller life.
Five (of many) Ways We Might Arrive
Service as Self-Need
This is driven by the desire to look good or feel purposeful. It’s enthusiastic and well intended. Service should feel good, and our lives should be filled with purpose! But when service is self-focused, it relies on the quick hit of being seen or feeling important. I call this “selfie-service,” and not just because there is often a camera nearby. This kind of service quickly runs out of steam. Still, every moment of feeling purpose matters, and it may be the very thing that leads us into more.
Service as Self-Sacrifice
Where the first mode seeks to build the self up, this one wears the self down. This is the person who gives and gives until they almost disappear. They say yes even when they are exhausted, believing their worth comes from being needed. Here, burnout becomes the signal that our well is being depleted without being replenished.
Service as Obligation
This is forced service. It’s required by a judge, a system, or a rigid belief structure that insists service is the price of forgiveness, worthiness, or belonging. It feels heavy and thick with resistance. Because it’s usually endured rather than chosen, it struggles to transform the server or the served. But, it can.
Service as Mystery
These people aren’t sure why or how they showed up. They aren’t here to fix anything. They are simply responding to a random invitation or a gentle pull toward connection. If they stay through the risks, their heart softens, and the world begins to feel a little less divided.
Service as Presence
This is the seed coming into full Life. These people arrive without an agenda or armor. They are not trying to be heroic. They are simply available, allowing life to move through them as they give and receive in a circular rhythm. They are conduits, not sources. In this way, service is an expression of life authentically flowing through them, nourishing everyone involved.
Transformation does not belong to the individual alone, but to the relationships and community formed around that presence.
I see this final form exemplified in the Way of Jesus through the word, concept, and art of kenosis, the Greek word for “self-emptying.”
Unlike traditional selfless service, kenosis doesn’t drain the soul but feeds it. We let go of ego and agenda, allowing our truest selves to come forward. It does not require self-erasure or self-promotion. It holds doing and being in a gentle balance. When we serve from this place, our words soothe rather than instruct or “power over.” Even our silence feels full rather than awkward. The impact is real, but it cannot always be measured. It may even be felt in the body, a quiet settling or softening between people. Some might call this “heart coherence,” rather than something visible or spoken. Something alchemical happens, and those present experience more. Love expands. We all leave a little more alive than when we arrived.
And so, here is the invitation.
These aren’t levels of “goodness,” they are states of consciousness. The invitation is not to judge where you are, but to notice.
Is your service costing you your life, or restoring it back to you?
True service isn’t a performance that leaves us empty. It is an awakening through kenosis that mysteriously fills us even as we continue to pour out. It invites us to show up and wake up spiritually. It’s not about fixing the world as if it were a project. It is about profoundly belonging to it. In that belonging, we don’t just serve life, we co-participate in Life itself.
