A reflection by Matt Wallace
We spend a lot of energy trying to be desirable. To show the world our best selves.
But what if the parts we hide or reshape aren’t problems to fix — but invitations to remember who we really are?
The following is a meditation and few thoughts on how living from the soul — openly, expansively — might transform our relationships, our communities, and even the world itself. It’s really a message for me. You can decide if it’s for you too.
I wake up. I take a shower. I comb my hair and brush my teeth.
No one wants to smell my morning breath.
I put on clean clothes. I look in the mirror. I do the things that make me more presentable.
And just like that, my day begins with shaping a version of myself that the world will (hopefully) accept. I mask up.
Anything wrong with that? Not necessarily. You don’t want me showing up stinky. And it’s true — more doors seem to open when I appear desirable.
Pause for a moment. How many steps have you already taken today to make yourself more acceptable to others? (Seriously? That’s a lot. At least I’m not alone.)
We spend our days shaping a version of ourselves the world will accept.
But at what cost?
Not with judgment — but with awareness — zoom out:
How much of your life is arranged around being desirable or acceptable? Your home and clothes? Your job? Your body shape or diet?
Now go deeper.
When did you stop singing out loud?
When did you stop dancing in public?
At what point did you decide your laugh was too loud, your tears too inconvenient, your joy too much?
What age were you when you began to trade wonder for control, and weirdness for safety?
When did “being good” start to mean “being small”?
We spend so much energy resisting what’s actually happening.
We curate, polish, and manage ourselves and our surroundings to avoid discomfort, messiness, or anything “undesirable.”
And it’s exhausting.
What if we didn’t resist so much?
What if we allowed the full spectrum of life — the beautiful and the uncomfortable — to coexist? To simply be?
Expansiveness includes everything — beauty, mess, challenge, bliss.
The truth is:
You can’t reach or touch expansiveness.
You are expansiveness.
It’s not something to attain. It’s something to remember. Something to surrender back into.
“The kingdom of God is within you.” —Jesus
When we resist what actually is, we contribute to suffering.
We’re saying: “No! Not that. Change that. It’s not good enough for me. You’re not good enough. Wait…I’m not good enough!”
And in doing so, we disconnect ourselves from soul, from others, from joy, from presence. We resist all “undesirables.” We forget that the kingdom of God is within us, and ultimately, we create suffering.
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Here’s perhaps what I love most about experiencing life alongside unhoused teens and young adults: Their rawness. Their authenticity. Their realness.
I’m not saying they don’t have egos — but they’re often too occupied with survival to manage how they’re perceived.
They say what they feel — no filter.
They cry when they’re hurting.
They laugh from the gut.
They sing out loud. They dance.
Some even fart without shame.
(That last one? I don’t desire it — but here, I suppose it’s welcome.)
At Dry Bones, we’ve cultivated a space where the whole person is received. And in that kind of welcome, expansiveness arises. Every day, we’re invited out of our ego construct and into something much bigger.
There’s something about being seen and welcomed fully that heals us — and changes us.
Try this:
Right now, do something weird.
Make a funny noise or a ridiculous face. Snort. Shake. Laugh. Sing a pitchy high note.
No one’s watching. Let something spontaneously move through you.
Do it again tomorrow.
Practice letting your true self out — just a little at a time, and only as it comes naturally. If anything feels forced, let it be.
Soon, do the weird wild thing in public.
Because here’s the truth:
You’re not too much. Your presence is not unsafe. Your soul is not unwelcome here.
This world needs you. The real you. We can handle it. Not the managed, filtered version. We need your piece of the expansiveness.
I believe this with everything in me:
If we begin to live from our true, expansive selves…
If we stop resisting our so-called flaws, and start seeing ourselves — and each other — from the soul…
Then something radical begins to happen.
We start to see soul to soul.
And that is the revolution.
That’s the shift that will heal the world.
As we emerge from the shells of ego and perception management, the world becomes more alive — not with people who stop showering, but with souls that stop hiding.
And here’s the paradox: once you begin to live from the soul — once you stop resisting and allow expansiveness to lead — your choices begin to change, too. Not out of pressure or performance, but from deep alignment. The way you dress, the car you drive, the way you show up in a room — all of it begins to flow from a place of authenticity, not approval-seeking.
You don’t need to reject beauty or comfort or style. You just no longer need them to define you. They become expressions, not masks.
One More Invitation
I don’t have this all figured out. But I know what I’ve experienced.
And here, in this (still imperfect) Dry Bones community of love, belonging, and expansiveness, I’ve seen it change lives — and I’ve felt it change mine.
So maybe today, the only question is this:
What would it look like for you to live a little more expansively?
To let your soul breathe — just a little more freely?
It’s already a part of you.
You’re already a part of everything.
Your soul already knows this flow.
Now, let yourself be seen.
There you are.
You are not an undesirable.
You are expansiveness.
You are welcome and needed here.
You’ve spent enough time trying to be acceptable.
Now — be free.
